scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
And then he peed in my hair
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