So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
