So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
