I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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