Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
