we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
