...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
