i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
