She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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