If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
