Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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