my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
