Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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