I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
