1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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