i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
