Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
