have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
