physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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