just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
