I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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