Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
