i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
