he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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