At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
