there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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