the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
