I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The uberlube is also flammable
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
