do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
