On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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