she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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