Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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