Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
