accomplished twins. life is a go
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Randomize
