I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
