I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
