i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
okay pat passed out under dana's car
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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