I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
