oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
