Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We had sex on a dog bed..
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
