Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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