Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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