Too much gin, very little bucket
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
