Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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