You smell like a Billy Joel song
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We got so high we made milksteak
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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