yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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