He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
