guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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