I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
