9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
