youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
