So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
