I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
