K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
