I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
