used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
