You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
