I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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