i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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