My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
