We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
