please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
