Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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