it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
