The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
