went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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