No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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