everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
