if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
