I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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