We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
