We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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