They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize