i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
