Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
