I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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