I wish you could order shots online.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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