i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
