I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize