He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
