good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
