yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
