about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
