...so i touched it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
it's like iHOP with fire
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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