3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
