i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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