I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
