Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
