handjob tips. give me some.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
