So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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