you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
