I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
