And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
