No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
