i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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