Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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