Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
