I just saw a hot homeless man
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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