I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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