Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize