she takes plan B like it's going out of style
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize