Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
