Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
