I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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